Addressing Parents Who Allow Their Teens To Smoke | DiscountCigarettesBox.com Tobacco News

Addressing Parents Who Allow Their Teens To Smoke

Q: As a parent of middle and high school students, it amazes me how some parents still dismiss the use of cigarette and marijuana by their teens. Some say... "well we did it as teens and survived" and "it's harmless, better than them doing hard core drugs." On top of it all they don't even seem to be phased that it's illegal. Why such a nonchalant attitude? How should I respond to these types of parents to help them get the message of how dangerous these substances really are?

A: I will address each of your questions separately.

Q: Why such a nonchalant attitude?

A: First and foremost, as you stated, it is illegal for a person under the age of 18 to smoke cigarettes any substance. It is illegal for any person any age to smoke cigarettes marijuana or similar drug related products (exception: the subject of medical marijuana, but that's a different subject altogether).

Allowing this behavior teaches your adolescent that it is OK (with you) if he breaks the law. My guess is that that is not the message you want to give your children. Adolescents tend to apply one "freebie" across the board and the message is "my parents said it is OK to break the law."

Second: Allowing your adolescent to smoke cigarettes (even though it is illegal) takes the "fun of risk" out of breaking a boundary. Statistics indicate he will find a different boundary or law to break that you won't like. Stop that progression early.

Enforce rules, laws and boundaries.

Your child may tell you everbody is smoking cigarettes at school ... everybody. This isn't true.

The truth is, about 44 percent of high school students have "tried" discount cigarettes or alcohol products in the last 30 days. It is possible that your child is hanging out with that 44 percent. Perhaps a little nudge to check out the entertainment the other 56 percent of the population at the high school is partaking in will encourage your child to see the true and bigger picture. Everybody is not smoking cigarettes.

Q: How should I respond to these types of parents to help them get the message of how dangerous these substances really are?

A: One of the first things I learned in recovery is that I cannot "control" other people. I can, however, try to influence them. I have a much stronger ability to "influence" my children by setting boundaries and enforcing consequences when boundaries are broken.

On the subject of influencing other parents: you cannot control them and it may be best to assess your ability to influence them. Ask yourself these questions:

Are these parents' smokers?

If they are, it is highly unlikely you will have any influence over them; you must "let it go." This parent(s) is justifying his/her own actions and using his/her own experience and does not care to address the message sent their children. You have very little chance of influence here. You can, however, refuse to let your child "friend" others who practice unhealthy risky behaviors (smoking cigarettes, drinking, etc.)

Q. Is this parent open to discussing this or am I forcing my opinions and judgments on others?

A. While it is honorable and responsible you want to influence other parents, try to narrow your circle of influence to environments that invite the advice (forums on parenting, adolescent behaviors, etc.) and sharpen your skills on knowing the difference between someone who is seeking help versus someone you are likely to anger by approaching the subject.

Q. What is a responsible approach? (I added this one).

A. When the opportunity arises to approach the subject, you have a teaching moment where you can simply state that your household has boundaries centered on your child's best interests and enforcing the law is one of the boundaries. You do not allow your child to break any law regardless of what you did or did not do as a child. The risks associated (health and legal consequence) are not worth challenging.

Being a parent is full of challenges, but remember: be a parent, not a friend.

To address substance use issues with your children is not easy. But to not address them can be even more traumatic.

We teach our children at an early age to not go with strangers, to wear seatbelts, to be aware of fire safety. These are appropriate topics, to be sure. Parents often don't address the risks of teen alcohol, cigarettes and substance use and young people sometimes die before they have a chance to hear such messages.

Get informed, seek advice and counseling when needed, and always know it's not just someone else's kids who may have problems. It can happen to anyone!

Lastly, if your teen may be using substances, you are not alone!

Mark Menestrina is the medical director of the detox unit at Brighton Hospital. He is a board member of the Livionia Save Our Youth Task Force as well as Building Better Families Through Action. He is board certified in family practice and certified by the American Society of Addiction Medicine.

The Family Center, a 501(c) (3), non-profit organization, serves as the community's hub for information, resources and referral for families and professionals.

To view more Ask The Experts articles, visit familycenterweb.org.

E-mail questions to info@familycenterweb.org or write

20090 Morningside Drive, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236

To volunteer or contribute, visit familycenterweb.org or call (313) 432-3832

Dining for Dollars

March's Dining for Dollars raised more than $1,200 for The Family Center of Grosse Pointe & Harper Woods.

The Hill Seafood & Chop House, the Village Grille Great Room and Bar and SideStreet A Finer Diner gave a portion of a day's proceeds to the Family Center, totaling $1,261.49.

"Few of us needed an excuse to go out to eat, especially at such fine Grosse Pointe restaurants as The Hill, Village Grille and SideStreet," says Debbie Liedel, executive director of The Family Center, "being able to raise money for The Family Center to support our many programs was the added bonus! We were pleased that we were able to bring many new diners out to these restaurants. We commend these establishments for their spirit of giving!"

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